Twenty-five years ago, I began to get the first inklings of the womanly body that mine would eventually grow into.
Some aspects could be softened, and others could be disguised. Some would be outgrown quickly, and others would persist another forty years or so.
And some I would just have to learn to accept.
I’ve been going through a similar period of acceptance since last summer. Recovering from my third pregnancy, I began training for a sprint triathlon, expecting that such diversity and intensity of training would return my body to a close approximation of its original shape.
I should have known better.
First, I was still nursing. But even so – and this is what I’ve discovered since weaning – some changes are permanent (barring surgical intervention, of course).
Whether a result of childbearing or aging (curse gravity!), bodies spread and sag. We can exert some measure of control by eating well, sleeping well, and staying active (just as we could in our teens) but genetics plays as much a part in how our bodies develop as it does in how they degenerate. Those of us on the far side of age 30, both men and women, are degenerating – genetically speaking.
Exercise has long been touted as the best substitute for the mythical fountain of youth. It’s true: exercise does counteract or slow many of the negative effects of aging. But even more compelling to me is the positive effect of exercise on our own self-image.
A segment on MSNBC’s Dr. Nancy show, featuring Self Magazine editor-in-chief Lucy Danziger, summed it up perfectly for me:
“Self found that the number one predictor of who’s happy with their body – women who exercise: 61% are happy with their body. 75% of those who don’t exercise are unhappy with their body. Exercise is the key because you’re not measuring [what's on] the scale; you’re saying what can my body do, and how does it make me feel.”
Danziger nailed it. The reason I can look at myself in the mirror or in a photograph and not immediately focus in on my physical flaws is that I know what my body can do. My confidence in myself comes not from how I look, but what I can do.
In fact, a large part of the reason I began training for a triathlon – as opposed to another type of race or even signing up for a series of fitness classes – was the wide variety of shapes, sizes, and ages I observed at triathlons in previous years. It wasn’t a field full of young, buff athletes. The diversity among the triathletes convinced me that if I put in the training, I could do it too.
Splashing through a reservoir, climbing out of a pool, running unsteadily toward a transition area filled with hundreds of bicycles and frantically finding mine – I can do all of that without worrying about the size of my behind or whether my stomach is sticking out. What’s more, now I can enjoy myself at our neighborhood pool free of those same worries. The other moms might be thinner or tanner or have surgically enhanced cleavage, but their bodies can’t do what mine can.
What do you think when you look at yourself in the mirror or in a photograph? Do you think that would change if you challenged yourself physically?
Brava! You said it sister! I’m just getting back into the exercising groove again (after slumping when my oldest had surgery and then summer arriving) and already can see my performance and endurance improving. I’m still lumpy and extra thick, but I’m DOING something, and that makes me feel better about this shell I walk around in.
It’s definitely mind over matter. I’m a bit overweight and cringe when I see myself in photos, but when I run 5 miles, I feel like a goddess. Slowly, I’m starting to accept that I will never look like my 20-year-old self again and THAT IS OK because I’m NOT just sitting on the couch deteriorating.
I am just starting to realize what you’ve stated here. I live in a neighborhood filled with exceptionally skinny, gorgeous people, and it is hard sometimes to look at them lazing around and wish that I looked like that. But I’ve been getting more physically fit, and with it, my confidence has increased… at times.
I’ve noticed many different shapes on the trails where I run – people I would have thought look “big” are passing me, their bodies and lungs in better condition than mine. But, I admit that sometimes this troubles me – I figure “maybe my body will stay ‘big’ even as I become more athletic” – and while it is an amazing feeling to know my body is getting stronger, I’m still shallow and wish that I’d somehow morph into a body-type that I know I can’t obtain!
Once I hit puberty, I lost my completely flat stomach. It was hard since I had been a dancer and didn’t need to worry about what I ate.
Right now, I’m happy with my body, though I’d love to have a 6-pack. I wouldn’t pay a surgeon to get it, but I’m willing to work my ass off.
Or I guess it’s my abs off, to get it.
I have found myself noticing stomachs lately. And guess what? Most people have them. Imagine that! I wouldn’t say I’m 100% happy with my body, but I’m getting closer. And it sure helps to do something proactive (like exercise) rather than something reactive (like swearing off cheeseburgers or ice cream).
I love this!! “I know what my body can do!” That is completely fabulous. I have a friend who is training to hike around the entire rim of the Grand canyon on 10/10/2010. Amazing what we can do if just put our minds (and bodies) to it.
Exercise is key! My stomach is all messed up from pregnancy but I know that if I stick to my yoga (er, START doing yoga again) it’ll tone up and I’ll be happy!
I have to say that mostly I feel pretty darn good about myself… although I think I’m one of the lucky few who have never struggled with body image issues… that’s not to say I have a great body… I DON’T… even when I was significantly overweight, I still (for the most part) felt good and sometimes even sexy
Don’t get me wrong, though, if we’re granting wishes, or handing out free plastic surgery… I wouldn’t turn down a tummy tuck on my permafannypack or some lipo on my back fat!
I was never athletic—my mom believed strongly that I wasn’t the “athletic type” and was “too clumsy” and I’ve internalized that to the nth degree. It’d take too many years of therapy to undo all that. But, I have done some sort-of athletic things in my life, after I became an adult, and they’ve always made me super happy. But, I have a really hard time sticking to an exercise routine, even now after I kicked butt doing the Shred for 4 months. What do I think when I look in a mirror? “thank goodness my boobs haven’t fallen, ugh my stomach, but overall, not too bad”. Now, I just need to keep the exercise “high” going.
I still see myself as the trim size 4 I was until about 5 years ago and it never ceases to amaze me that um..no. Not even close. If I could exercise from my bed behind my laptop I might do it more.
You rock J.
Though I’m pretty happy with where I’m at these days (thanks to Kristen and the shred) I recently finally came to terms with the fact that my hip expansion (following preg) is here to stay. There’s not a lot of padding there as is, but even if I lost more, I still don’t think I can squeeze into some clothes. Need to give those items away and stop thinking about the past!
I love you. It is true, at least for me. One way I define myself is as a “runner” and it has been part and parcel of my life longer than many friends. It has been the a constant and source of much frustration, but also a source of much joy. I know what I am capable of and I live for that moment when it clicks and I feel like I am flying. I know it doesn’t happen every time, but it is enough to keep me coming back for more.
I should exercise (hanging head in shame).
My internal body image is wonderful; the reflection in the mirror is less so. There’s a definite disconnect between the two.
You are so right! I ran a half-marathon in April and felt amazing. Finally deciding that how I felt was more important than how I looked has given me a confidence I never had. I’ve always had a decent self-image, but being in shape and challenging myself to do things I never thought possible has taken it to a whole new level. And I feel like I look better because of it, which is a nice bonus.
With all of the investment I have made in getting in shape, I definitely like what I see. Right now I’m seeing that more than the 70 pounds that I still need to lose. 30 pounds is impressive. So is the fact that I can do things with out huffing and puffing. I see pictures and I wish I looked better, that the flab would just go away. I know even if I have just started to make a dent in what I need to do, it is worth it.
I currently hate myself in pictures. I have let myself become about 40 pounds overweight. I KNOW that exercise and diet will help. I understand that I will always have stretch marks and I know that my stomach will never be flat, but at least I could get rid of the back fat.
(and now I have “Tom Sawyer” stuck in my head)