It never fails to astound me how badly people can behave when material goods are involved.
Of course, they behave even worse when it’s cold hard cash at stake. But since the only vast sums of unclaimed money floating around are all still in transit from Nigeria (did you receive yours yet?), it’s stuff that drives people to do what we’d never imagined we would.
Like buying an umpteen-thousand square foot house with no money down and an interest-only loan because we can’t afford it otherwise. Like finagling the financing for an unqualified buyer because we want the commission.
Like swiping our VISA all over town and on the Internet while risking financial meltdown because we want to have the same stuff that our friends do, or because we want to have stuff that all our friends will envy and set their own cards aflame to get.
Like selecting our friends or sacrificing our family because of possessions.
Like transforming our personal blog into a commercial, simply for the sake of stuff. Or starting one purely for the purpose of getting stuff.
It makes us feel kind of dirty after a while, and not the good kind of dirty either.
I’ve been intrigued by the question posed by many bloggers: Who cares what other bloggers do? Liz’s analogy (which makes me envision the Portokalos home in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, complete with a lamb on a spit in the front yard) illustrates well why many of us care. But after considering the question in relation to our apparent national obsession with stuff, I submit that we care because what other bloggers do affects us just as much as what other homeowners and other consumers do. Our collective credibility is at stake.
And yet the pursuit of stuff still figures prominently in our lives, both online and off.
I’m a capitalist. If you give me stuff you’ve got that I want in exchange for stuff I’ve got that you want, that’s fine by me.
But it’s not okay to just take stuff. Or to promise to pay for stuff and then not do it and insist that somebody else should pay for it. Or to ask for stuff and then complain when the stuff we’ve offered in exchange isn’t accepted. The air of entitlement, both online and off, is staggering.
It was my sense of personal responsibility that cemented my decision to sell my BlogHer registration. Could I, in good conscience, put approximately $1000 worth of travel and conference expenses on my credit card when I already have other expenses mounting? It would keep me up at night, both before and after the conference. It would run contrary to the example Kyle and I endeavor to set for our kids – that we work hard and save our money and think carefully about not just what we can afford, but also what we need.
But my increasing disillusionment with the role of marketing in what used to be a personal community also factored into my decision. Perhaps that sounds hypocritical; after all, I write for a prominent shopping blog and co-founded a blogger outreach network that has served as a model for many others. I’ve also written posts on topics that were inspired by companies who reached out to me, and I’ve also gotten plenty of stuff myself.
But just as Liz noted about her original post on the topic of mommybloggings, it seems like centuries since those early days. Our initial forays into the monetization of blogging took place only shortly after Heather Armstrong herself began running ads. I felt honored, yet officious and fraudulent, when I became part of the initial group of bloggers in the BlogHerAds program. The idea of keeping company with the likes of veteran bloggers Fussy and Sweetney was far more meaningful to me than a monthly check. Frankly, those personal connections with great writers are still the biggest tie to the blogging community for me.
I’ve no better idea what will transpire in the blogosphere than in our economy. But I’m tired of the ongoing conflicts regarding stuff, both online and off. I observe them in too many facets of my life, and while I’m not going to shave my head and head to Tibet, I find myself retreating anyway. Maybe I can’t make it to BlogHer, but at least I’m happy where I am.
What stuff do you want that you don’t have? What would you give up to get it?
There will always be someone pushing the limits of any new environment, and there will always be those who were there first who think the young punks are going too far. It will eventually work itself out. You, and Liz, and the others set a good example. Just keep doing that. It worked on me.
To answer your question, not much. I still struggle with budgets and bills and debt, and I don’t just go and buy anything on credit just because I want it. I save, and wait and wait and wait. The only thing I am giving up, and it isn’t for stuff so much as long term solvency, is having another kid. It hurts, and it sucks, but it will be nice to have future where my kid doesn’t worry about money the way I did when I was a kid.
Thank you. That means a lot.
And honestly, the financial aspect of having a third child was what scared me most. The jury’s still out on whether we can hack it.
Fantastic post.!
It’s really stuff, not money, that makes people greedy because people only want money to get stuff, no? When stuff gets in the way, real connections, true art, beautiful writing is most certainly compromised. But like Amelia Sprout said, time separates the good content from the lardy stuff. Blogs that survive are usually those pushed forward by loving readers that appreciate good writers, not ad lovers that enjoy sales pitches.
I really wanted to go to BlogHer because online I found women that think and live like me. (very rare round these parts) I truly wanted to meet them. Then I realized that I’d be out of place because I saw that making friends was not the purpose of the conference, just a by product. So sad.
I’m alone all the time (my husband is military) and even though there’s stuff than can be comforting and cool to have (I want a Prius. Ha!) what makes me truly happy is real connections, the kind that feel like two particles falling into the same wavelength. The kind made through honesty, communication and love. Not stuff.
Oh no, please don’t dismiss BlogHer out of hand because of the sponsorship element. BlogHer is where I met so many wonderful people and cemented friendships with them. Take away the “stuff” and you’ll find the same amazing connections. Making friends is absolutely one of the top purposes, along with learning about the craft of blogging – writing well and gaining enough tech knowledge to use HTML tags properly.
Those connections you speak of? That’s what I’ve found with women online. Going to BlogHer made it concrete.
This seems like a good post to let you know that the Milk Bank pump arrived yesterday =) Thanks again! I’ll still send you an e-mail later, but I forgot to do so this morning and I don’t have access to my private e-mail at work.
Also, as far as STUFF goes…hm. You and I are very like-minded here. I don’t really have anything that I want so badly that I would use anything but cash we had saved FOR THAT PURPOSE to buy it. As my grandfather says: you come into the world without anything but a name and you leave this world without anything but a name. You really don’t need much else.
Haha! I’m so glad you have received everything in advance of your baby’s arrival.
And I think I would really like your grandfather.
I do like free stuff, but I wouldn’t do absolutely anything to get it. I only review things that I have at least some initial interest in, and always tell my honest opinion about it. It’s one way to try things or read books that I would never have an opportunity to do otherwise. And if I don’t get anything to review in a long time I don’t really miss it at all. We have more things than we really need. We are fortunate that way, but I also think sometimes that we should pare down somehow. Then I get the shakes thinking about that daunting task and we continue as we are.
I honestly can’t think of a single thing that I want. Sometimes I want things for my kids though, but it’s usually just my wants for them…not really their wants or needs.
This post has had me thinking all day, so I have more comments!
Part of me still wants people to get stuff to review, not me specifically, but people who’s opinions I trust. The reality is that I appreciate the honest reviews out there of the things I am saving to buy. Not that people need to get them free to have an opinion, it just helps motivate the writing.
I am going to BlogHer, as a good excuse for me to get away. It is something I saved to be able to do. I am looking forward to talking about social media, since it is something that not many people in my life understand. I think it will be a huge part of my daughter’s life, so I should embrace it now. I have to say, I’m sort of bummed I won’t get to meet you there.
I honestly don’t want much by way of stuff. I want to be out of debt. That’s where almost all of my extra money goes (although I am going to BlogHer, and certainly there will be extra money going to that as well)>
The problem is I don’t know what I want blog-wise. Usually the things I DO want, I buy myself. Any blog freebies are sort of icing on the cake, a stale cake at that. Bad metaphor? I am not immune to the giveaways and the PR people sending me stuff. I don’t accept everything, you know I am sure that some stuff people are shilling I would never endorse or is just not “me”.
I am SAD SAD SAD that you won’t be there. I am emotional today so I am crying for the 50th time about it. Perhaps I need to save my money, buy less shoes and purses and come to visit you Colorado folk.
Love, really.
For me it comes down to, “how much time do I want to spend in front of my computer?” I don’t want my personal blog to become a job b/c that was never the intention. So, I ignore the review requests I get (or try to take a moment to decline them) unless I think they’d be appropriate for CMP.
I’m weird in that most “stuff” isn’t appealing to me. I don’t care for most designer stuff and don’t even spend all that much on my home. What I do love spending money on is “experiences” like eating great food, staying in nice hotels, taking my mom to a musical, doing something special with the kids. So, I guess that’s why I can justify BlogHer—it’ll be a cool experience and nice to see people I’ve never met in person (but, I have never been before, so some of this is curiousity).
Now you have me thinking: if I was contacted to test a restaurant or destination or play, I could see myself doing that, and putting the write up on my review blog. So, maybe the issue is that I just haven’t been contacted by anyone that makes me want to spend more time in front of my computer.
And this is why I love Christina. The fact that the offer didn’t fit her blog or her passions was the biggest concern. Not the value of the item or how much traffic a giveaway could drive. I wish we all could think like that all the time.
Your post arrived at a very interesting time for me. Just yesterday I canceled my BlogHer hotel room reservation. I’m still going to the conference since I’m a local and my company is paying for it (love them!), but I’ve decided staying on site is an extravagance I’m not willing to shell out for right now. Taking the El won’t kill me.
I also just posted to the Chicago Moms Blog about how I’m trying desperately to de-stuff my life. (http://tinyurl.com/onwvyt)–I want less crap, not more!
That said, I’m guilty of occasionally reviewing things on my blog that are relevant to my life and my readership (things I’ve paid for, like my stroller, and the occasional Leapfrog toy I’ve gotten for free), but I worry that my reviews aren’t nearly as funny or charming as stories about my kids taking about their private parts or the horrible Dallas nightclub I went to earlier this week.
Anyway, I’ll miss you in July, but I hope you find something worthwhile to spend that $1000 on.
I didn’t get into blogging for the money or the stuff, I got into it to have an outlet for writing. However, I am increasingly aware and interested in the writing/blogging as business aspect of it. But I approach it from a “getting paid for your work” standpoint, rather than selling ad space and getting free stuff.
I can only talk up stuff I really, really believe in, and that would be the experiences such as Fairly Odd Mother suggested. But we look at a travel review or a theatre or book review differently than we would a vaccuum cleaner.
I’ve never been pitched in the way that many of the big name bloggers have, and it doesn’t really bother me, but I can somewhat understand people scrambling for an opportunity, especially in these times, even if it is not the best fit in the long run.
Since I come from a print media background, I am always amused at the shock and ager professed by some bloggers when they get a cheesy press release or a request for something they don’t want to do, like write something dumb for a payment of $5 or whatever. Guys, this has been happening for decades, it’s just that you weren’t reading it. I was. And whatever was stupid or irrelevant? Went into the trash (back when trash cans were round and metal and sat under your desk).
You know, my comment above is not exactly on point. I think that really whore-y blogs do sully all of us, but also that most readers can readily tell what’s genuine and what’s not. The problem is when nonreaders–marketers, mainstream media, whatever–paints us all with the same ugly brush.
I read this with such relief. I’m so glad I’m not alone in making a conscious decision not to go to BlogHer this year. For me, it was the stewardship of my family’s money. I could take a three day trip alone, or my whole family including my parents could rent a beautiful house in the mountains for a week. I chose my family and booked the house for the week of BlogHer so I couldn’t change my mind later.
Although I have loved meeting people and spending face time with my “online friends” the past couple of years, I no longer feel like that face time is absolutely necessary to maintain those relationships. It’s a luxury at $1000+, and one I needed to give up this year. Especially since blogging is not a business for me. I can’t even write it off anymore because my BlogHer checks are so small and infrequent now.
Now, if I can just resolve not to whine about it when everyone else is headed to Chicago . . .
I just want to say you will be so very missed.
And I hope that by this time next year, CMP will be footing the bill for all of us.