Comments on: Praising little Narcissus http://www.themomslant.com/2009/04/praising-little-narcissus/ I'm speaking for myself Thu, 09 Sep 2010 02:35:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: caramama http://www.themomslant.com/2009/04/praising-little-narcissus/comment-page-1/#comment-16058 caramama Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:26:26 +0000 http://www.themomslant.com/?p=2504#comment-16058 Really insightful post. I'll have to read the article and perhaps even buy the book. This is very interesting stuff to me. My husband and I have often talked about the generation of people coming out of college these days and into the work world (we work with similar types of people). I believe these kids are called the Milleniums or something like that. What we have both noticed is that they seem to need A LOT of praise for every little thing, and a lot of hand holding to learn the job or anything new. As my husband and I both move up in management roles, we don't have the time to hand hold or give constant praise for doing a person's job. I believe this fits right into the "narcissism" that is being discussed and often due to this helicopter parenting and raising of this generation (by schools, sports teams, etc.). I've even read stories in the news about parents who have called up bosses after their adult (just out of college) child(ren) received a poor assessment/feedback and about parents who accompanied their adult (just out of college) child(ren) to job interviews. This is not helping their children become independent, contributing members of society. Thinking back on my own childhood, I would agree with that distinction of encouragement versus praise. I definitely felt very encouraged to try things and work on things, to develop and have fun. I don't feel I got empty praise, but definitely felt loved if I succeeded or failed. I think that has helped me become very secure in myself and my abilities. But I also got a lot of "...is smart but doesn't apply herself" throughout school, and my parents backed up at home by not praising my intelligence but encouraging me to work on things. That actually helped me realize that I couldn't be just smart. I had to work at things. I hope to provide the same balance for my children, but it's hard to know exactly where it is, isn't it? Really insightful post. I’ll have to read the article and perhaps even buy the book. This is very interesting stuff to me.

My husband and I have often talked about the generation of people coming out of college these days and into the work world (we work with similar types of people). I believe these kids are called the Milleniums or something like that. What we have both noticed is that they seem to need A LOT of praise for every little thing, and a lot of hand holding to learn the job or anything new. As my husband and I both move up in management roles, we don’t have the time to hand hold or give constant praise for doing a person’s job. I believe this fits right into the “narcissism” that is being discussed and often due to this helicopter parenting and raising of this generation (by schools, sports teams, etc.). I’ve even read stories in the news about parents who have called up bosses after their adult (just out of college) child(ren) received a poor assessment/feedback and about parents who accompanied their adult (just out of college) child(ren) to job interviews. This is not helping their children become independent, contributing members of society.

Thinking back on my own childhood, I would agree with that distinction of encouragement versus praise. I definitely felt very encouraged to try things and work on things, to develop and have fun. I don’t feel I got empty praise, but definitely felt loved if I succeeded or failed. I think that has helped me become very secure in myself and my abilities. But I also got a lot of “…is smart but doesn’t apply herself” throughout school, and my parents backed up at home by not praising my intelligence but encouraging me to work on things. That actually helped me realize that I couldn’t be just smart. I had to work at things.

I hope to provide the same balance for my children, but it’s hard to know exactly where it is, isn’t it?

]]> By: Jill http://www.themomslant.com/2009/04/praising-little-narcissus/comment-page-1/#comment-16051 Jill Sun, 26 Apr 2009 19:48:52 +0000 http://www.themomslant.com/?p=2504#comment-16051 I was praised as a child, but not overly so. And I wasn't arbitrarily rewarded, either -- which I think is a big part of where the narcissism and sense of entitlement comes from with "kids these days." While my friends were getting money for every A or B they got on their report card, my parents' philosophy was that they expected me to get As and Bs because I was smart enough to do so, why should they pay me for simply living up to expectations? I knew I saw loved and I saw praised then I did well, but my family just generally isn't very effusive so it was low key. I try to do the same with my kids, but my husband grew up in a family where the world revolved around him and his sister. They got (and get) praised for everything and were (and are) made to think they everything they do and say is inherently interesting because they are doing/saying it. Drives me nuts and I'm trying to temper that tendency of his with the pragmatism I grew up with. Tough balancing act, for sure. I was praised as a child, but not overly so. And I wasn’t arbitrarily rewarded, either — which I think is a big part of where the narcissism and sense of entitlement comes from with “kids these days.” While my friends were getting money for every A or B they got on their report card, my parents’ philosophy was that they expected me to get As and Bs because I was smart enough to do so, why should they pay me for simply living up to expectations? I knew I saw loved and I saw praised then I did well, but my family just generally isn’t very effusive so it was low key. I try to do the same with my kids, but my husband grew up in a family where the world revolved around him and his sister. They got (and get) praised for everything and were (and are) made to think they everything they do and say is inherently interesting because they are doing/saying it. Drives me nuts and I’m trying to temper that tendency of his with the pragmatism I grew up with. Tough balancing act, for sure.

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